Group of people dancing on beach

Living in Abundance: One Year Later

On Friday November 20, 2015, my life changed. The weeks leading up to this day I had a literal unending thirst. My mouth was constantly dry and I was peeing a lot–like every 30-45 minutes. I felt extra sluggish. I was a mess. My job at the time was filled with day-to-day emotional abuse and manipulation. I was being constantly gaslighted. It was the worst possible place to be. But as a survivor of sexual abuse; feeling constantly afraid and as if I was nothing, was all so familiar.

So Friday November 20, 2015 started out like any other day. I was eager for the upcoming break and even more eager for the weekend; a respite from the job. Towards the end of the day, after I’d gone to the bathroom for at least the 8th time. I mentioned to a friend/sister/co-worker that I’d been going to the bathroom a lot and I couldn’t stop being thirsty. She didn’t hesitate. She took my blood sugar and ordered me to the hospital. By the time I got to the hospital my blood sugar was 57o. That day I found out I had Type 2 diabetes and severe dehydration. The admitting doctor said that if I hadn’t come in that day, I would’ve had a stroke that weekend.

Flash forward (almost) a year later….Friday November 18, 2016.

I am in my new job. A place I feel safe, loved, respected, admired. A place where I strive every day to do good work because my boss is kind and considerate and thanks me nearly every day for just showing up. I am off of liquid insulin. I walk about 5000 steps a day. Actually, in the new job I clock a bit more than that. Everyone around me pushes me to make sure I eat regularly and although I have a soda a couple times of week I drink more water daily than I have in my life.

Friday November 20, 2015 put me on a new journey. One that would be challenged in 2016. The job that robbed me of my sense of self, confidence, and literal physical/mental well-being was snatched away from me in March. Even though it was the best thing; it felt like the worst thing. It was clearly personal. A vendetta. But thank the Lord for petty people.

Friday November 20, 2015 was a brick upside my head; telling me to run away. I was only partially listening. My non-renew in March was the brick wall crashing onto my body. I had to listen then.

I wrote about living in abundance about 10 days after being in the ER. I wrote about a friend who promised that things would change drastically for me. She meant how I ate and how I would feel. Things did change dramatically…

2016 hit me and many others with a tidal wave of bullshit. It has been a tough year. I mean Prince died for God’s sake! But one thing is clear about 2016, it has been a turning point in my life. And that turning point began the moment I ended up in that ER on Friday November 20, 2015. I spent most of summer 2016 feeling horribly lost and afraid. I drove Uber to relieve some of that stress. I interviewed a few times, wrote a bit; but mostly I was afraid. I lost what it meant to live in abundance because my abused self just wanted to crawl into any space; even if it meant being abused again. And just as I was at my lowest point…things opened up again. I got a job and my acceptance into the 2016-2017 Loft Mentor program on the same day. Things slowly began to turn around. The world of 2016 is still shitty but my life began again.

Still I have maintained very good blood sugar numbers; I’ve kept my 30 lbs weight loss off and I continue to lose gradually. I’m down two pants sizes! And when I look in the mirror my eyes are no longer haunted. Some days after work I’m still exhausted but its because I’m busting my butt to do the best I can for a boss who respects and admires me and vice versa. My creativity is slowly creeping back. I’m enjoying a new writing partnership and the prospect of working on a new set of novels in a series I’ve wanted to develop for a long time (It has werewolves and vampires in it. And its amazing!) and my novel is coming out in 2017. 

Then there are the “2AM Folks;” the friends you can call at 2am and they’d sit right up and hear you out or jump in their cars and be there with you. It’s been good to finally feel like I have people I can reach out to. A year ago, those were some of the hardest calls to make. Today, those calls would be easy. Some of my new friendships are surprising. Some of them are a long time coming they just needed a nudge in the right direction.

One of those people, saved my life on Friday November 20, 2015.

In some ways, as I reflect back, it feels like I’m still on the road to recovery. There’s so many things that I have to heal from. But one thing is for sure; after this year, I am positive that I can survive virtually anything that comes my way. This year has pushed me to strive to be the person I want to be; strong, healthy, compassionate and appreciative.

I want to live up to that positive moment in my post a year ago: “I refuse to go back to deficit thinking…cause you see I already got everything. I’m already living in abundance.”